Of battles waged and lessons learnt...

I haven't really been in the mood to post in the past few days, just feel rather stupid. I'm posting now though cause there's so much stuff I wanna say all of a sudden...

By now most people who need to know probably know that I'm going to KL next week to pursue my dream, or in my own words, to fulfill my self-proclaimed destiny.

Yup! I've actually 'destined' myself to KL for at least 3 months (and most likely 4 yrs after) during which I'll definitely make new friends and miss the friends over here. FYI I've stayed in SG for a good 16 years, not all the friends I've made along the way are still in contact with me (my fault) but this place is where I've spent a good percentage of my possible lifespan, so as you can imagine, I'm not hopping with joy about my choice. It's a mini battle inside actually, to want to pursue my dream and yet appease my aching heart.

My dream? To be an accomplished guitarist and musician. Ultimately I hope to do soundtracks for games that I'd love to play. Well I wouldn't mind doing a black metal song for a racing game if I was asked to :D

My quest to be a good axeman (layman's term for guitarist) has been going up and down since I picked up the electric guitar in late 2000.

In part it has been influenced by my changing tastes in music due to growing exposure. Here's a very brief history:

I started listening to KISS after some fanboy comment in the KISS comics by Todd McFarlane. Slowly got into some of the 70's rock.

Soon after I got into Eric Clapton and the original G3 lineup: Joe Satriani, Eric Johnson and Steve Vai.

Did lots of research into these guitarists by obtaining their solo CDs. Satriani was the reigning favourite during that period.

Very soon I got into Yngwie Malmsteen, a firm favourite of mine. IMO his earlier CDs contained sheer brilliance, especially the debut album.

Well I soon ventured into metal after hearing Zakk Wylde and some power metal that some guy introduced to me. The band was Hammerfall.

Upon learning where to obtain all these metal CDs, I soon found my CD library filled with lots of them, of various sub-genres. Particular favourites are Children Of Bodom, Imperanon, In Flames, Norther and Shadow.

I also ventured into the more extreme territory with Dimmu Borgir, Emperor, Slayer, Slipknot and Zyklon.

I was lost among the allure of incredible drumming to be found in the extreme bands. Then there are also the really crazy shredders out there who play so fast it's more discouraging than inspiring to me. I was caught up with all the technical showcasing, until I came across this website where this female guitarist basically pointed me in the direction that I needed to go.

There are good soundfiles of great soloing available and one of the best ones is actually a spoken piece of advice by Michael Schenker where he says,

"And here is the message for all the young guitarists: Music should not be a competition, music should come from the heart. Practice regular (sic) and express what you feel. You are the only person who has access to your soul so get it out to us."

You know that really hit me hard. A skeptic could say it's just some man with too much time who said that, but it's a big lesson for me today. Hearing the music is one thing, having someone put it across to me like that really impressed it upon me. Listening to some of the ridiculous shredding now makes me think, 'Did that even raise a single goosebump on me?'

Suddenly I realised what it means to play less yet express more. A little disclaimer though, I can't play properly and this isn't meant to be an excuse to not be technically proficient. It's just that this has been the best message that came across to me which reflects on the sad state of some of today's guitar playing in the shred community.

That's not to say all shredders aren't tasteful, there are quite a number. But most of the rest miss the point. Well that's what I think now.

Oh and, my 'discovery' of game music over the past year or so is really cool. There're so many hidden gems in the game music world that it's like finding a treasure chest on and island of trees with 'normal' music growing on them hehe. Now you might understand why I wanna do game soundtracks :D

Well, I've settled two battles so far. One of my fateful decision. The other of my musical inspiration and direction.

There is one more battle which I've been losing daily for months, and the 'casualties' are getting higher with each passing day. I'm so hopeless in this area. I feel fearful as soon as I step onto the battlefield. I'm a deserter who flees everytime he's sent to 'fight'. When will I accomplish the mission? Or will it be too late? Then again, there is hope in this sentence from a book I might blog about in the near future...

"...Everything that's worthwhile in life is scary. Choosing a school, choosing a career, getting married, having kids - all those things are scary. If it is not fearful, it is not worthwhile." - Paul Tournier